


Oh sinners they are singing

by Twentyshunpilots



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7123918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twentyshunpilots/pseuds/Twentyshunpilots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Mom?" Tyler asked his mother, who was patiently waiting for him to tie his shoes. "Yes,Ty?" She responded sweetly. What if they make fun of me? Or-" Tyler was immediately interrupted by his mother's ressurances "Of course they won't sweety!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Mom?" Tyler asked his mother, who was patiently waiting for him to tie his shoes. "Yes,Ty?" She responded sweetly. What if they make fun of me? Or-" Tyler was immediately interrupted by his mother's ressurances "Of course they won't sweety!"

Tyler walked into his new school that he'd be spending the end of his elementary and rest of high school at. Tyler had been home-schooled all the way up until sixth grade,when his mother finally decided it was mandatory to make friends. Tyler didn't really have trouble all throughout sixth grade,getting average marks and having a couple friends but things started to change during the end of the year.

he started hearing voices in his head they all screamed different things but one in particular seemed to scream the loudest, he had decided to name him Blurryface. He'd attack him when Tyler was most vulnerable and make him cry at night. He was merciless and fed off of Tyler's pain.

His few friends had now left him, thinking he was strange and insane. Tyler now had no one to talk to and no shoulder to cry on, he was completely and utterly alone. Blurryface was starting to win urging him on until Tyler couldn't take it anymore. He had locked himself in the bathroom and weeped for two straight days and it was only then that his parents seemed to understand the severity of the situation. They quickly got him a therapist and he spent most of his seventh grade in and out of doctors offices.

Other than the mood swings subsiding and Blurryface not having so much control anymore, he was still alone and the school weirdo. No one dared talk to him for fear of him lashing out and hurting someone. He was constantly being watched, by teachers, by students, by nurses. Tyler was too scared to let himself lose control again but but he couldn't help but feel a little isolated. His parents didn't understand him and everyone was scared of him.

It was one of those nights, where the demons got a little too loud and Tyler's mind started to lose sense of what was right and wrong. He needed relief, anything to feel something other than misery. Blurryface was laughing hysterically screaming to get it over with as he stood over his kitchen sink with one of his mothers kitchen knives in one hand. He just needed something,just needed... Tyler shakily brought the knife up to his arms and made big long lines of red appear across his skin. He hissed in pain as he debated bandaging it or just waiting until he couldn't feel anything anymore. So tempting, Blurryface cheered as he started to see spots and completely blacked out, crumpling to the tile floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt really bad writing the end and I hate hurting little bean. Also I know it's really short but I'm not a great writer and wanted to end the chapter (almost) properly.


	2. Chapter 2

It was now eighth grade, Tyler was now finally able to walk the halls without whispers and rumors being passed around. He was now the official weirdo kid and would rather that than try to make friends and mess it all up again. He quite liked being unnoticed, it made it easier to block out Blurry and focus on the day ahead than being constantly bombarded with questions that no one really cared enough to learn the answer to. If it weren't for Mark it probably would have never changed.

Tyler was almost hopeful for the first day of school, maybe it would be different? the English teacher decided to make everyone write a spoken word poem that would be presented at the end of the period. Tyler was excited until... WHO SAID YOU WERE A GOOD WRITER? OR THAT ANYONE WOULD EVEN UNDERSTAND YOU? YOU'RE PATHETIC TO THINK PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE, PLEASE JUST SPARE US YOUR PITY PARTY AND TAKE THE F YOU DESERVE! Blurry sneered. Tyler ignored him and started to write his peom, words gliding out effortlessly

Tyler decided to present ignoring Blurry spitting out insults and making him doubt himself. As Blurry had predicted everyone didn't know how to react. The silence seemed to engulf the room filling Tyler with embarrassment and regret. He ignored the teachers shouts in protest as he ran out of the room, sprinted into a bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

He didn't realize how hard he shut it until he heard a little squeak from one of the stalls. OH LOOK YOU SCARED ANOTHER ONE, SEEMS TO BE A HOBBY HUH, TYTY? Tyler slumped onto the floor and went into fetal position trying to calm his breathing. He hadn't realize the boy in the stall had started to quieten his sobbing. Tyler was now peaked with curiosity, who was this boy and why was he so sad? Did he need any help? OH MY GOD WHY ARE SO NOSY? JUST LEAVE THE KID ALONE! Blurry was right but he couldn't just leave.

He sat up and started to walk towards the stall but stopped mid-way. What was he doing? Since when was he willing to help someone out? He brushed it off and proceeded to knock on the door. The boy went completely quiet for a few moments. "H-Hello?" he said trying not to sound like he'd been sobbing just moments before, "Hi...My name's Tyler,I just uh, wanted to know if you were okay." he said, cringing as his voice cracked on the last syllable. " Ya,totally great just a shitty day that's all" he said, laughing but making it sound more cold than intended.

Tyler pushed on the door and realized it was unlocked, so pushed a little more. The boy was quite small and more on the pudgy side. He had brown hair and had a fringe that laid across his face like a thick curtain. He brushed it out of the way to look up at Tyler with his sad, bloodshot, eyes. He gave Tyler a weak smile and wiped his nose on his sleeve. Tyler oddly felt like hugging him and telling him that his day could always get better but decided against it. HOW CAN YOU HELP SOMEONE IF YOU CANT EVEN SAVE YOURSELF Blurry said between laughter. Tyler stuck out a hand to the boy and helped pull him up.

"So... Sorry about that" the boy said awkwardly, still trying to keep himself from choking up. "My name's Mark by the way" he said as they walked out the doors into the, now empty hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to leave me suggestions and characters you'd like me to add throughout the story and thank you so much for baring my cringy writing :) 
> 
> (also Blurryface is the capitalized words. Sorry I haven't quite figured out how to do different fonts or italics or fancy stuff :/ )


	3. Chapter 3

It had been three days since meeting Mark. Tyler didn't have any other friends and Mark had just recently moved here so they spent most of their time together. Tyler still had trouble trusting others because of the previous incident but Mark made Blurry mad and Tyler secretly loved that. He knew that for once he was doing something that helped himself instead letting Blurry make him suffer.

A couple weeks had passed and Tyler had gotten much more comfortable with Mark. Enough to talk to him or look him in the eyes, but only for short periods of time until Blurry would take back control. Mark didn't mind though and quite enjoyed talking even if he knew he probably wouldn't get a response. Tyler enjoyed Mark's company and loved listening to his childhood stories or his strange thoughts, "Bananas for arms? Or legs?" Mark said with a dead serious tone, Tyler who was more than used to the questions immediately jumped in. "Well, I mean would they rot? Because being able to walk for a week of your life and then having mushy weak legs would suck." Mark pondered this for a moment, a little stumped "Well I don't know, that's a good question." They both looked at each other seriously and burst into fits of laughter.

That night, as they were on their 30th round of MarioKart, Mark paused the game looking a little troubled. " HEEEYYYY! I was winning!" Tyler said pouting. " Hey...you know, we don't really ever talk about this but...you know if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. Always." Mark said, fiddling with his controller to avoid eye contact. Tyler could feel a lump in his throat forming, he had never been more glad to hear those words before."Thanks dude, that means a lot to me..." He said tears threatening to appear. "Dude, no homo or anything-" Mark said with his trademark smirk reappearing. "OH. MY. GOD. NOOO" Tyler said laughing and grabbing at the controller to try and unpause the game.

They were now inseparable, always hanging out at Marks's house playing MarioKart or at Tyler's house listening to music and shooting hoops. They would play until their parents ushered them back inside for dinner or it got too dark to be outside.

Mark knew Tyler was uneasy with crowds so they tended to stay away from popular places but it got a little too cold to go outside and Mark's mom had started to limit video game hours so they had to find something else they could do without having to get their parents to drive them.

Mark had found this old coffee shop a couple blocks away that wasn't too busy so they decided that was the safest bet. Tyler really liked it in there, it was nicely furnished with wood floors and comfy booths that were very secluded. Everyone was quiet and nice and it turned into one of Tyler's go-to spots for unwinding and just taking a breather.

One brutal winter's day, They decided to stop at the coffee shop to grab some hot cocoa and warm up a bit. Mark gave Tyler an apologetic look as they walked into the bustle of the lunch break. Tyler started to get a little queasy and Blurry started to kick him trying to take control. Not today Blurry, Tyler thought. They walked up and ordered their hot cocoa and went to sit in their usual booth in the corner of the room. But something caused Tyler to stop dead in his tracks.

A boy with bubble-gum pink hair ran at full speed into the coffee shop, Tyler vaguely recognized him from school. A split second later, a lanky tall boy with a bedazzled jacket ran in after him. "Dude! Pete's gonna kill you!" The black-haired boy said, "well, pay up dude." The pink-haired boy said. The black-haired boy laughs and hands him a twenty dollar bill. They go up to the cash until the black-haired boy notices Marks eyes boring into him.

Tyler cringes as he hears a scream of joy and backs away being careful not to spill the drinks as the boy topples Mark in a bear hug. "Hey dude! How you been!" The boy says with stupidest smile on his face. "Brendon..can't..breathe.." Mark says, still smiling. Brendon lets go quickly, his smile never faltering. The boy with the pink hair comes up with their drinks, not noticing that Tyler was there, Running straight into him. 

Tyler watched in slow-motion as the drinks fell to the floor and shattered into pieces, the cocoa splashing in every direction. "Oh my-I'm so sorry!" the boy said looking a mortified. " I'll go get some paper towels" Tyler said, hurrying to the bathroom. As he closed the door he could immediately hear Blurry coming up with all sorts of horrible insults to throw at him.

KLUTZ. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! HE PROBABLY DID IT ON POURPOSE YOU KNOW, THEY DID IT TO HAVE A NICE LAUGH! Tyler was vigorously shaking his head, knowing where Blurry was headed. YOU DONT THINK MARK IS ACTUALLY FRIENDS WITH YOU, DO YOU? OH GOD, TYLER THIS IS RICH! HE ONLY KEEPS YOU AROUND BECAUSE YOU AMUSE HIM. NOTHING BUT A WORTHLESS JOKE... Tyler had now curled up in a ball, a complete mess.

|-/

Josh didn't know what it was about the boy with the cute little brown eyes, but he made him feel all strange when he was around him like he had some sort of calming aura. Okay so he had met him like ten minutes ago... But gosh darn it, if he wanted to believe in love at first sight he would.

He introduced himself to the boy that Brendon had assaulted. "So tell me about that bet you guys made earlier!" He said trying to break the awkward silence that followed his butterfingers moment. "You tell him B." Josh said, a little stuck in his mystery boy daydream. "I'll go check on..?" Josh said hoping he'd get a name. "Oh, yeah sorry, his names Tyler, Tyler Joseph"

Tyler Joseph...The name gave him butterflies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also the " |-/ " is switching of characters it should only be switching from Tyler and Josh but I'll let you know if it ever changes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for homophobic language just skip to end notes to get a summary

Tyler bit his lip, still looking at his shoes. God he was so cute! Josh couldn't stand it anymore. "Tyler?" He said, hoping to catch his attention. Tyler looked up suddenly revealing his beautiful brown eyes and slowly giving Josh a crinkley-eyed smile that made Josh's heart melt.

Josh couldn't take it much longer, he leaned in a little so their lips were millimetres apart. Tyler was just about to lean in when..."JOSH...JOSH GET UP YOURE GONNA BE LATE!" His mother was yelling at him from downstairs.Great...Perfect timing.

Every morning Josh got a ride from Brendon's parents, it had become such a routine that he never had to check anymore. "B? Do you know if Tyler Joseph goes to our school?" He asked getting into the backseat. "Ya, why? You got a crush on him or something?" Brendon said, trying to make Josh blush. It worked.

"Hey! Boys! No talking about sins in this car!" Brendon's mother said with a stern look on her face. Brendon rolled his eyes. "Mooom, Tyler is a girl in his class" Brendon secretly winking at Josh who instantly got a shade redder. "Oh,well you know how I feel about those gays, it's not what God intended" Brendon's mother visibly relaxing into her seat. "Yes mother, you've said I before" Brendon says in an exasperated tone. Thank god the car ride was almost over, Josh felt like he was gonna be sick. 

He spent the next week looking in every class, searching every hallway, but still no Tyler in sight. A little disappointed, he double and triple checked with Brendon and even almost went as far to look in the past yearbooks to check if there was a Tyler Joseph. It was almost gods joke, he had found his soulmate in eighth grade but he was brutally ripped away from his grasp. Of fucking course.

|-/

After the incident in the coffee shop, Tyler laid low for a while. His parents understood (as much as they could) about his situation and let him stay at home for all the time he needed. Tyler stayed home that whole week and Mark only came over once to make sure he was okay and give him all the notes and homework he needed for later. He felt bad for pushing Mark away but he needed to be alone to give his mind a rest. Tyler hadnt had an episode this bad since before Mark.

Tyler had lots of time to think that week, lots of time to fight with Blurry (although unsuccessfully) and lots of time to daydream ABOUT JOSH. no not about Josh. YES ABOUT JOSH. Fine, Tyler gave up fighting. But it couldn't be more than just friends. Tyler's mother and father would go on and on about people like that, freaks of nature, they called them. Tyler knew that he was just confused and would get over it. He wasn't a filthy faggot. He just wouldn't accept it.

|-/

Josh finally saw him, he was standing by the water fountain on Monday morning. Looking a little worse than the last time they met. He had big purple bags under his eyes and his eyes were dull and dead-like. It made Josh's heart ache seeing I'm like this but didn't want to scare him off so reluctantly gave him some room. He headed off to class trying to stay focused on the day ahead of him.

He decided to sit with his regular math class group; Brendon, Pete, Patrick, Ashley and Melanie. He loved to be around his friends, they made him laugh and distracted him from a pretty shitty day. Patrick was always best to talk to because it's like whispering your secrets to a teddy bear. Pete is always the tough one and can be kind of a dick but he has a weird soft spot for Patrick that Josh loves. Ashley is the least PG-13 person you'll ever meet, always getting caught for breaking the dress code (Hell, she'd wear a crop top and a thong if she could) and Melanie is really shy, but will surprise you with dirty jokes and witty remarks.

"Did you find your mystery man?" Brendon said with a giant smile on his face, " No, and smiling this early should be illegal B." Josh said groggily. Okay so Josh lied, so what? He didn't want everyone to know about Tyler because nothing would ever happen between them. Unfortunately Tyler used to be the captain of the basketball team and was probably as straight as they get.

"What about you?" Josh said trying desperately to change the conversation. " I'm in love guys, I'm sure of it!" Brendon exclaimed, ignoring everyone's loud groans of disapproval. Brendon seemed to be 'in love' with a different person every week. Last Monday it was Mark, Tuesday it was John, Wednesday it was Dallon, Thursday it was Mikey and Friday it was back to Mark.

Brendon was constantly going around and making out with random people to secretly anger his parents, Brendon's parents were the most religious people Josh had ever met. They basically ran the church. Brendon had started to like boys in grade six but only came out to Josh in grade seven. He couldn't really deny his feelings for more than just girls and started to panic knowing that his parents would disown him. Fright soon turned into anger as the years went on. Brendon had now gotten used to biting his tongue, when his parents made homophobic remarks but would put his foot down when they tried to find him 'less gay' friends. Since his coming out he'd gone and joined the theatre club and sang like a motherfucker.

"Who is it this time?" Ashley said, always fascinated about Brendon's love life. "His name is Tyler Joseph!" He said, giving Josh a shit-eating gin.

NononononoonoonnonOnONONONONONONO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry for the language I don't believe in any of this trust me I'm pretty gay myself, and I know not every Catholic person is like this so please don't scream at me)
> 
> SUMMARY:  
> -Josh and Tyler both are thinking about each other and Tylers in denial about his sexuality.  
> -Quick introduction to some of the characters  
> -Brendon is planning something with making everyone believe he likes Tyler Joseph ( You'll find more on that next chapter ;) )


	5. Chapter 5

"Dude relax!" Brendon said, trying to catch up to Josh after class." How am I supposed to relax! If you like him then I'm gonna have to be around him all the time! I'm gonna make a complete fool of myself." Josh said, in a hushed voice. Brendon gives Josh a minute to put two and two together. "Oh..NO, not happening, no way! Stop playing match-maker Brendon!" Josh said while hitting him repeatedly in the arm. "Come on, it'll give you the perfect excuse without outing yourself by accident and you'll get to know him enough that you guys could be good friends!" Josh was scared he would get whiplash with how furiously he was shaking his head, but when Brendon has his mind set to something, he will stop at nothing to make it happen.

|-/

Mark sticks with him the entire day, they have most of their classes together (thanks to the guidance counsellor) except for last period, Science. 

He walked into class a little late but the teacher, like always, barely took notice. Tyler tried his best to avoid everyone's gaze and walked quickly to his backseat but Brendon saw him before he could get away.

Brendon jumped out of his seat causing everyone to stop and stare."Hey dude, how ya been?" He said with a warm smile spread all the way across his face."...Fine" Tyler said a little confused as to why he would pay any attention to someone like him." I was wondering if you wanted to hang out after school?" He said looking adorably hopeful. OH MY GOD HES REALLY HOT TYLER! Maybe for a girl but Tyler was not gay he told himself. YOUD BANG HIM. Ignoring Blurry chanting "BANG! BANG! BANG!" He decided to make up some excuse, until Brendon added, "Of, course we won't be the only ones. A couple friends of mine are coming to, I think you've met Josh right?" he said innocently.

Tyler pondered this for a minute. I mean he wanted nothing more than to see Josh again but there would be other people there too and I don't know if he could handle that much after what happened so recently.

"Can Mark come?" "Sure! As long as he's bringing the beer" Brendon said with a laugh and a wink before walking back to his seat as class started.

He was kidding, hopefully.

|-/

Josh planned on not showing up, but Brendon told Tyler that there would be "friends" there (which, in fact, is not true) so he was stuck. When the bell rang they all met up at Brendon's locker.

Josh could already see Tyler there as he approached."How was History!" Brendon asked trying to make conversation."have you even met Mr.Dullop?" Josh said, tiredly. "He's the worst..." Tyler said quietly." Oh hey Tyler! How's it going?" Josh said, trying really hard not to be awkward."Oh,um great!" He said, looking at his worn-out converse. Finally Mark showed up and they got a ride from Marks older brother."So where you going?" He asked us as they piled into his old minivan.They all looked to Brendon who had a mischievous twinkle in his eye."Were going to go to the forest!" He said excitedly.

Tyler, who was in the backseat squished next to Josh, sighed in relief momentarily forgetting that there were other people around him, but they didn't seem to mind and were also relieved that they weren't going somewhere that there would be a lot of of people.

Mark's brother didn't exactly know where 'the forest' was so they just dropped them off at Brendon's house. Brendon ran into his house to grab his family's bikes and a backpack full of God-knows-what. They biked in groups of two, Mark and Brendon in font and Josh and Tyler in the back. Josh kept fiddling with the gears on his bike, he didn't know why he was so nervous around this boy. He was wondering why Brendon chose to go into a forest in the middle of winter but didn't want to ask fearing that it would have something to do with 'warming up'.

|-/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really appreciate any feedback you guys have and uh yeah I'm writing next chapter now!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So near the end it switches to Brendon's like flashback-ish and you'll see the P! Is for Brendon's point of view

When they got to the forest Brendon went to find the picnic table that seemed to be 'somewhere around here'.

Josh wasn't really a fan of the creepy woods in the winter but decided to give it a chance after taking one look at Tyler. He had stopped in his tracks and had a look of awe stuck on his face and a smile that Josh couldn't help but mirror.

|-/

Tyler was quite nervous when they went in, like they werent supposed to be there. But he felt that quickly dissolve when they walked off the path.

It's like this weight he'd been carrying on his shoulders had suddenly lifted. He stared in awe at the snow-kissed treetops and the winter sun peeking through the clouds. He felt invincible, like nothing could hurt him if he stayed here forever. He breathed in a big gust of winter air and felt like he could finally relax.

Tyler noticed Josh looking at him with fascination, a smile growing slowly in his face. Finding it, for the first time his smile came easily. He realized they were alone now, did he stop walking? He hurried over to where Josh was standing and muttered his excuses as he started walking again, ignoring the blush creeping up his face.

|-/

Tyler was mesmerized, Josh had never seen someone like this. It was like him with his drums, everything turning to background noise and you just get...lost.

They started waking back to where they thought Brendon and Mark had gone. When they found them, Brendon was all flustered and Mark was suddenly very interested in his shoes. Josh had a pretty good feeling he knew what had happened. "Hey guys!" Tyler said clueless to what had happened. "Hey Tyler!" They said, looking anywhere but at him. Josh gave Brendon a look and walked behind a bush, Brendon following him immediately.

"WHATS UP DUDE!" Brendon said, trying to give Josh his trademark smile but failing miserably."Cut the shit dude, I've known you long enough to be able to tell what's going on." Josh said, giving Brendon a dissaproving look."Okay, fine you caught me!" He said raising his hands in defense."But I didn't force myself on him! W-we were talking and then he says he wants to try something and then he just-" Brendon was cut off by Josh wrapping him in a comforting hug.

He didn't quite know why he was hugging him, but he seemed to have done the right choice because Brendon crumpled into him and they fell in a sad silence. This would have been fine for any other normal person, but Brendon being played? That NEVER happened. Brendon was always the one to make the first move so he didn't have to be so hurt when things ended badly.

P!

He made this mistake once, he was younger and a boy had come up to him, he was very nice and held Brendon's hand when they were alone. They had always been more than friends, but as they were in seventh grade. He started to deny he ever liked him like that."That's gross B!" Ryan said, pushing Brendon away totally rejecting his kiss. Brendon was confused at first, wondering why he kept brushing him off. One day Brendon tried to talk to him after his class but he kept walking faster away from him."Ryan! Just wait,please I just need to talk to you" Brendon pleaded, grabbing Ryan's hand."GET YOUR FILTHY FAGGOT HANDS AWAY FROM ME!" Ryan screamed, everyone around them going silent."THATS RIGHT! BRENDON IS A DISGUSTING GAY!" He said to the hallway.

Brendon had never run faster then he did that day, out of the school and ran home. He cried more than he had in years, vowing to never be hurt like that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been posting recently. Exams and Anxiety have been kicking my ass recently...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont know

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. Mark and Brendon still refused to talk about what happened that day both equally agreeing to keep things strictly platonic from then on. Josh and Tyler were now closer than ever, going over to Tyler's house to play Mario Kart or going on impulsive grocery runs for no particular reason.

They were shopping at Walmart, not actually planning on buying anything more than a can of Redbull and a bag of Cheetos, when Josh decided to finally bring up something that he had been itching to say.

"Have you ever thought of playing any instruments? I mean, I know you write poetry but..." Josh said flipping through out of date magazines. "What?" Tyler said, laughing at how ridiculous it sounded. Him? Music? "I've got my drums, and I know you've always got the forest but I thought you could use something a little more...accessible." Josh had finally picked out a crappy magazine of the two guys with fringes covering almost their entire face and electric guitars slung on their backs."No way! If I'm gonna try an instrument it's gotta be classier than that" Tyler said, pointing to the guys on the cover before hiding all of the crappy CDs from the shelf under a stack comic books, probably never to be found again. He hoped.

P!

Brendon decided to go to the old music store, the one that barely anyone under the age of 50 came into, when a rather tall and awkwardly lanky boy came striding in without any sound.

"HOLY SHIT-oh my god sorry, you scared the crap outta me!" Brendon said to the boy who stopped dead in his tracks when they noticed each other's presence. He cleared his throat, clearly thrown off by another teenager his age in the store."HI-h-i" he stuttered looking at Brendon like a deer in the headlights."I've never seen another teenager in here before!" Brendon said trying desperately to put all of the CDs he had picked back into their original spots, hoping the boy wouldn't see."Is that Frank Sinatra?" he said moving closer to the stack of CDs he had made."uh,ya,he's kind of one of my idols... I know it's dumb-" Brendon said,slowly regretting opening up to a stranger.

"NO! Nono its not! I've just never heard his music before!" the boy said apologetically."Oh,well in that case,here this ones my favourite." Brendon said shyly,handing him a CD that looked quite scratched and definetly used."Uh,thanks! Here this one is my personal favourite. He said pulling out a rock CD. Brendon had never listened to rock before but decided to give it a shot considering that a VERY cute boy just suggested it to him."Okay well I gotta go, but it was nice to talk to you! Maybe again sometime? Preferably one where I don't accidentally make you jump?" Brendon laughed and gave him a genuine smile. 

The boy was already gone when Brendon remembered that he still hadn't learned his name. He shrugged his shoulders and thought it would be way more intriguing to call him 'the mystery boy' when he told his friends about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i havent written in a while but im now officially DONE WITH SCHOOL! I should be posting more because now i have a full two months of nothing. 
> 
> ( I also have no idea where im going with this story, so if you have any suggestions, please tell me )


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Autocorrect has saved and ruined my life

It was one of those days, Josh could barely get out of bed. His anxiety weighing him down as he dragged himself around the house.

Josh couldn't remember when his anxiety started but he could remember the first time he had an anxiety attack. It was like someone was holding him down, sitting on his chest, keeping him from breathing right. His head was all fuzzy and he'd forgotten why. He thought he was completely alone, not quite sure where he was anymore until his mother had shaken him by the shoulders saying something that sounded muffled. He hadn't realized that he was breathing so fast or that his mother wasn't whispering, but yelling at him. "Joshua! Sweety, can you hear me!" she said her eyes full of worry. He could remember a little bit now. It was early, really early, and he had forgotten to finish a project that was 30% of his grade. "Honey, just breathe okay?" Josh listened to his mother but couldn't quite remember how to breathe normally. "Joshua, you're going to be okay. You're going to be all right."

He doesn't remember if he ever finished his project or not but he knows how to control it better and knows how to avoid worsening his random attacks. These days are always the worst, he has to make up excuses for not being able to go somewhere with his friends. Today it was visiting his grandparents, last week it was dentist appointment. He felt sort of bad making excuses but knew that if he tried to plan something and worry about stupid things, his anxiety might creep up on him and make him suffer

It was around twelve in the afternoon and Josh had gotten a text from Tyler.

Ty: Coffee?

Josh debated on if he should make an excuse or tell Tyler the truth, he felt like he could trust him with anything.

Joshua: Sorry Ty can't, its one of those days :/

Ty: U okay? Do you mind if I come over? I mean we dont have to go anywhere or anything...

Joshua: Alright just dont expect a very entertaining host...

Ty: Wouldn't dream of it :D 

Five minutes later, Josh answered the door to a smiley Tyler. He was hiding some sort of bag behind his back, but refused to show Josh until they got to his room. He then revealed a plastic seven eleven bag containing; a bag of Cheetos, some Mountain Dew, a Blue-Ray copy of Dumb and Dumber and a bashed up VHS tape that didn't have a description. "You have a VHS player, right?" He said, looking at Josh with a mischievous smile."Im pretty sure?" Josh said going to grab the VHS. "NO DONT TOUCH IT!" Tyler said slapping his hands away from the bag. "Its a surprise for later, right now we NEED to watch this movie, its hilarious." He said popping the CD into the player on his dresser. They sat in comfortable silence like that until halfway through the movie when Josh had noticed that Tyler was staring at him.

|-/

Tyler liked to make Josh smile, It seemed to be his life goal, so when he texted him saying that he wasn't feeling great, Tyler stopped at the seven eleven and bought a couple things to cheer him up. Okay maybe he went a little overboard and ran back to his house to get a home video that Tyler knew would make Josh laugh. It was this embarrassing video of him singing 'Twinke Twinkle little star' to his family. He was painfully off-key and didn't know any of the words to the song, so naturally his parents filmed it for future leverage. He didn't like to think of the days where Josh couldn't smile, he knew those days all too well. It was now his life goal to cheer him up any day he felt like crap.

He basically ran to Joshs house and quickly hid the bag behind his back to not give away the surprise, he wanted to see Josh's eyes light up when he saw everything he bought for him. He wanted to save the home video for last because it was really embarrassing and he could decide during the movie if he was really gonna show him or not. That is NOT what he ended up doing, he spent most of the movie watching Josh laugh and smile at the funny bits but accidentally got caught when Josh turned to look at him.

God he was so cute when he smiled! Tyler just wanted to...high five the guy. So, stupidly, he did. Tyler raised his hand in the air looking expectantly at him. "Dude, what are you doing?" he said, amusement in his voice. "I dont really know, I just thought that a high five was deserved in this moment?" he said, slowly lowering his hand. "You are such a weirdo sometimes!" Josh said giving a light-hearted laugh. OOOOH YOU TOTALLY LIKE HIM TYLER! DON'T IGNORE ME YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT...BUT DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP HE'S PROBABLY AS STRAIGHT AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. "Hey, I gotta go to the bathroom for a sec. Ill be right back!" He hurried to the bathroom across the hall and quickly closed the door. Did he like Josh? Was Blurry right? Goddamn! Tyler gave himself a silent pep talk as he washed his face in the sink and flushed the toilet to make it sound like he was just doing his business.

When he walked in the room he quickly realized Dumb and Dumber was not playing anymore. Instead he heard the cringey song and saw a half naked, fetus Tyler, running around with a microphone in his hand. He couldn't even say anything before Josh shushed him, clearly immersed in the scene in front of him. "This is the best thing I've ever witnessed!" he said while holding Tyler back from stopping the video. Miraculously, the video ended and the screen went black. Tyler had given up his chant of apologies and sat with his reddened face in his hands.

"Dude, its honestly not that bad!" Josh said trying to get his attention by lightly grabbing hid arm. "Its pretty bad..." He said looking Josh in the eyes. "If it makes you feel any better my mom was obsessed with filming my first everything and even videotaped my first shit. We now have that on tape.." Tyler gasped and tried to muffle his giggles with his free hand. "That is one video I never want to see again!" He said giggling with Tyler. So they spent the rest of the day eating, drinking Mountain Dew and laughing about their childhood stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was longer than I had expected but um not much happens
> 
> Please let me know if you want this story to go somewhere (cause it is very obviously not at the moment)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shitty and really short cause I'm pretty sure I got accidentally high while writing this, but whatever here you go.

Summer was soon approaching and Tyler was feeling better than he had in months, all thanks to Josh.

"Jishwa? Can you believe that we're going into tenth grade next year?" Tyler said in amazement. He never thought he'd make it this far. If Josh stayed with him he might even make it to graduation. "Tyler you know, we should go and celebrate this superb occasion!" Josh gave Tyler a knowing smile, they were both thinking the exact same place "TACO BELL!" They said in unison.

Nobody really liked Taco Bell except for Josh and Tyler so they ended up going alone. They ordered for each other preferring to keep the orders a surprise. Josh ended up getting Tyler's favourite; a Cheesy Gordita Crunch but the inside taco is a Doritos shell. Tyler ended up getting two Doritos Locos tacos.

They ended up walking to a convenience down the street. This was their go-to spot for talking and watching the sunset. Tyler was a natural at climbing and ended up finding this hidden gem while stumbling across the fire escape that lined the building. Tyler secretly wanted to keep it to himself but couldn't resist showing Josh and watching his face light up in delight at the view they could see. They ate their tacos in silence, watching the sun slowly go down and listening to the cars honk and speed through the streets of Columbus.

Josh's figure was bathed in oranges and pinks as the sun gave its goodbyes. Tyler couldn't think of a life without him. He could never tell him how he felt for fear of him being disgusted, never wanting to see him again. The thought sent chills down his spine. The silence was interrupted as Josh turned toward him, "What are you gonna do when we graduate?" He said fiddling with the hole in his jeans. Tyler didn't care as long as he was with Josh. "I don't know, probably get out of this stupid town. I definitely don't want to do basketball but that seems like the only option at the moment." He said not looking back at Josh. "I want to go into music, be a drummer." He said, a dreamy look in his eyes. Tyler wanted to love somethin as much as Josh loved to drum. "Hey you know, we should totally start a band!" He said looking at Tyler with those cute crinkley eyes. "Dude, I can't even play an instrument! Plus my poetry isn't really the kind of stuff people would casually like to listen to..." Tyler didn't like putting Josh down but he knew that this dream would be impossible, but Josh thought otherwise.

"Oh come on, I mean sure your stuff isn't exactly like boy band material but it puts out an important message that might be able to help someone one day!" Josh looked him in the eyes. Tyler believed him even though the voices told him not to. "Okay Josh I'll make a deal, if you can find an instrument that I like and isn't hard to play, I'll consider your offer." He said giving him a cocky smile. "Alright Joseph, you got yourself a deal!" Josh said as they shook hands and resumed eating their 'mexican' food. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I suddenly realized that there are like barely any other characters in this fic and I'm sort of struggling a little bit. If any of you guys have any suggestions please feel free to help me out with this excuse of a story.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if I'll even continue this but here's another chapter

"Trumpet? Flute?"Josh asked as they searched around the pretty much empty music store. There was no one around including any of the staff that were supposed to be working here. Tyler shook his head vigorously or made a grimace at every suggestion Josh gave. "Come on there's gotta be something here!" Josh exclaimed, clearly getting tired of Tylers picky taste in instruments. They had tried this at multiple stores already, looking around until Tyler found an instrument that barely interested him, they'd try it out and Tyler would complain about the sound or the way he had to play that instrument. He hated the trumpet because it 'hurt his mouth when he had to blow into it', he didn't want to play the didgeridoo because it was 'too dorky' and refused to play the guitar because his 'delicate little baby hands couldn't handle it'. Okay maybe he didn't say those things word for word but Josh knew what Tyler was actually thinking.

They eventually gave up and decided to look at the CDs that were piled in the back of the old store. Shortly after they had walked towards the rickety shelves, someone came stumbling out of the staff only room. Josh only noticed who it was when he stopped in front of one of the blacked out windows to fix his gigantic hair.

"Brendon?" Josh asked in utter disbelief. Suddenly the boy whipped around, giving a deer in the headlights look that made Josh almost double over in laughter. "UUUUUH..." Brendon was, for once in his life, at a loss for words. He never really got to explain before another boy, unusually tall for his age, was bursting out of the same room, looking just as flustered and hurried as Brendon had. "Oh hi! Can I help you with anything?" He asked, looking a little confused as he glanced in the direction of an open-gaping mouthed Brendon. Um...You know we were just looking for an instrument for Tyler, but this story seems way more interesting!" Josh said erupting in a fit of giggles. Both of the boys blushed and looked away from each other. "Actually, Brendon can help you out with the instruments part. God knows he's tried them all out himself!" He said with a giant smile, making Brendon blush even harder.

"Oh come on Brendon please tell us more about your secret lover." Josh prodded, but Brendon was not having any of it. "Joshua William Dun. I don't want to hear those words come out of your mouth again or so help me-" he warned. "Okay! Geez I was just messing with you!" Josh said innocently. They had gone around the store once not being successful but Brendon was not about to just give up! Tyler raised his eyebrows at him as he uncounted a little baby guitar thing from the wall. "Okay so this is a ukulele, it's really tiny and has a happy tone to it. Here just strum it." He handed the thing to Tyler who looked at it wearily before strumming it. Josh really liked the sound of it but Tyler stayed weary. "What if I wanna play a sad song? This wouldn't work with them." Tyler furrowed his eyebrows and maybe it wasn't the best time, but Josh thought he was really cute when he was frustrated.

|-/

They stopped in front of a simple keyboard with a whole bunch of buttons and different types of melodies you could play. "I'm hoping you know what a keyboard is? They're great for playing upbeat or slow melodic songs." Tyler sat down and was overwhelmed by all the choices of buttons on the top. "You can also record songs on this one and make the keyboard sound like sound effects or different instruments. I mean it's not super great quality but it's the best beginner one here." He turned it on for Tyler and motioned for him to try it.

Tyler didn't really know how to play so he just kind of messed around until he found something he liked. Brendon was right you could change the vibe of the song with just one note. He absolutely loved this one but found it to be way too expensive to think about. After all, his parents were so dead set on getting him a scholarship for basketball they'd just see this as a "distratction". He couldn't tell them that so he just shrugged. 

"It's not bad, I guess." Tyler would definetly be coming back on his own to make some songs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really not good and I'm sorry bout that but just not feeling cheery recently.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um so it's been awhile? I've been writing this chapter over and over with alternate situations and was never really satisfied. I have a single scene that I'm sort of setting this up for. (This is a mess I'm really sorry)

Tyler seemed to enjoy the fact that summer would finally be coming to an end. The bitter breeze, the smell of all the leaves that had fallen, plus his favourite holiday coming up. But with the season coming to an end so did his blissful ignorance of responsibility. He would have to go back to school, start figuring out how to get a scholarship, and of course Blurryface jumping in gleefully to the list. YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP NOW, NO POINT IN TRYING IF YOURE GONNA DIASSAPOINT EVERYONE ANYWAY. Usually Tyler would be able to ignore the comments easily but he felt off recently, as if the words that had been thrown at him for years were finally getting to him. He tried to shake it off but Blurry realized how much it affected him and was incessant in his remarks.

"Josh, I'm fine, really!" Tyler said, after Josh's third time asking. "Tyler I'm worried about you, you just...seem so out of it recently and I just want to make sure you're okay!" Josh looked nervous as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat in the warmth of the all too familiar cafe. Tyler hated how Josh couldn't just let it go, I mean he wasn't really fine but he obviously didn't want Josh to know that. "Josh, please, can we just talk about something else?" Tyler looked at him hopefully. Josh gave him a frown before finally dropping the subject. "Hey! So you know Brendon's mysterious lover?" Tyler tries not to cringe as he hears the awful nickname but tries to nod. "Well apparently he's going to switch to our school this year!" Josh said, an excited twinkle in his eyes. "That's gonna be interesting." Tyler says but his mind starts to wander when Josh talks about the classes he decided to choose for the first semester.

Would he ever be able to love someone like that? He thought back to how Dallon was willing to switch schools just to be closer to Brendon. Surely he wouldn't be in love with a boy, I mean he didn't have any problems with those who did it's just that everyone in his family was religious and told him he'd go to hell if he did end up loving another man. But how could people who love each other be doing wrong? Doesn't god love everyone? Why should gays be any different? Oh god maybe Josh was just getting ideas in his head.

"Tyler?" Josh had those worried eyes again. Tyler just apologized, telling him he got distracted by something on the wall. Tyler could make out a look of something in his eyes as he put his head down. Dissapointement flashed for a sliver of a second before he turned back to Tyler with an almost forced smile. "That's alright Ty." Tyler knew the look all to well. He'd been given that look by everyone he knew, the same forced smile and excuses for their need to leave. Tyler had never seen that look in Josh's eyes and had hoped he never would. But he just did and he felt sick to his stomach.

Josh waved down one of the waiters, payed for the bill and walked Tyler home. There's was a sickening silence as they walked that Tyler desperately wanted to fill with something, anything, but he couldn't. He could barely think straight as his head pounded, filled with unwanted memories that had popped up and Blurryface laughing maniacally. "Alright well, good night Tyler! See you soon?" Josh looked at him for a split second, then returned his attention to his worn out shoe laces. "Ya good night." Tyler didn't sound like himself, but he couldn't bother to try to be okay anymore, only being able to finally breathe normally as he got inside and locked the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really haven't been satisfied with my writing but thought if anyone was still desperately clinging to this awful fic I'd have to write it for them.
> 
> UPDATE: so i realized just now rereading that what tyler says about gay people doesn't really work since the other chapter he talks about liking josh but i just can't be bothered to change all that so i'm sorry just pretend like it's something about him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry it's been so long I don't really have an excuse other than i was just really scared to write this.
> 
> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS i'm so sorry again this almost made me cry and i don't have emotions so...

It was 3:17 AM.

Josh knew it was 3:17 AM because he was rudely awakened by his way too loud ringtone pestering him.

Josh knew it was exactly 3:18 AM when he picked up his phone and groggily asked who it was

Josh knew it was exactly 3:19 AM when he could finally make out Tyler's heart aching, barely audible whispers of apologies.

Josh knew it was exactly 3:21 AM when Tyler finally whispered his last sentence before the line went dead.

Josh didn't understand, his brain was in complete panic. Something wasn't right, something didn't feel right. Why could he not breathe properly?

Josh knew it was exactly 3:45 AM when he was finally picked up by a pissy looking Brendon driving his parents car, who he had called at 3:30 AM.

Josh didn't understand, he didn't quite know where to guide Brendon. He had heard wind, water and cars. It must have been somewhere busy, there were only cars passing by at 3:18 AM on the Main Street Bridge.

Josh felt sick to his stomach.

Josh was sick to his stomach.

Josh remained in fetal position in the back seat, muttering prayers. To God, to anyone who would listen.

Josh knew it was 4:00 AM when he saw the first ambulance, speeding in the direction they were going in.

Josh prayed a little harder.

Josh didn't understand, he couldn't listen to Brendon or see anything quite clearly all he could think of were those five words Tyler had whispered on the phone.

it was exactly 4:03 when they were stopped and told that they couldn't go any farther by car, the entire bridge was blocked off.

Josh was sick again.

They walked all the way up to the caution tape and Brendon tried to grab anyone's attention to ask what was going on.

it was 4:05 when Josh saw Tyler, rolled quickly into an ambulance.

Josh would have been sick if there was anything left.

He sat on the pavement head between his knees, sobbing with full force. He could feel someone's hands rubbing his back but couldn't hear anything.

Tyler was gone, it was all Josh's fault.

As the sirens screeched and the voices grew too loud all Josh could really hear were Tyler's last words,

_he'll never leave me alone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry but this isn't how it ends i promise you 
> 
>  
> 
> IM SORRY CAN YOU TELL I REALLY AM SORRY FUCK GUYS


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I decided that I was going to rewrite it entirely whoops not sorry. I am no good at angst and don't really know how to write in first person but other than that enjoy I guess.

I don't regret it, I don't regret hurting everyone around me. They'll finally know what it was like to live in my shoes. People tell me it's selfish, I get that I guess. But hurting everyone around me for the sake of continuing my pointless life would also be selfish. I'm not even sure my parents will care much that I'm gone. It's not like I would've gone places anyway.What really makes me angry to know is that my parents will think that I did it for attention. How can I use the attention I've gotten when I'm dead? I remember my mother whispering things like that to me in church, telling me that suicide was a sin and that you'd go to hell for giving up your one life. I think she's always been full of shit.

I really did think I would die, I was ready for it. Some people say that while they're dying they find that they see all the people they love flash before their eyes, that they regretted it and they wanted to live. I had none of this. When I heard sounds of sirens and people screaming I thought I had gone to hell. I was wrong, I was still alive and somehow that seemed worse.

I could feel them searching me for any kind of I.D. I was too smart for them, I left everything they could possibly link to my life. I even threw my phone in before jumping. I just wish I had landed on rocks and had just been gone. I wasn't that lucky.

I could hear things around me but my body wouldn't budge. I couldn't breathe, I wish it would just stop. That my body would finally give up and just shut down. I heard the oxygen mask and I felt lighter than a feather. Maybe I did give up, I hope Josh is okay, that he's asleep and dreaming and happy.

I dreamt I was back at the bridge. That I was on the ledge and the wind was howling and I was calm, but my body was stiff. I couldn't move anything, my legs wouldn't let me jump. I could hear crying and sniffling from someone behind me but I couldn't turn to see who. Suddenly I was being pulled down, so close to death yet so far. I felt someone wrap their arms around me from behind. The warmth spread from their fingertips to my shoulder blades making me instantly feel almost comfortable. They just kept sniffling, resting their head on my neck. Then I smelt the smell of freshly cut grass and fallen rain, the smell of first frost and the smell of freshly cleaned laundry. 

"JOSH."

I wake up still mumbling his name, the migraine and ache of my muscles slow in me down. I need his arms around me again, I feel like I'm suffocating. 

The nurses run in, talking over each other not really knowing who is right and wrong. I'm drugged again and my muscles relax. 

TYLER? I REALLY THOUGHT YOU GOT US THERE. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME HONEY.

I see him, he is me. But he isn't, he lookes me dead in the eyes and laughs a cold merciless laugh that makes me shiver down my spine. "Blurry?" I already know it's him, he is me and he knows what I think so there's really no point in addressing him.

YOURE RIGHT ON THAT.

I thought he was gone I really hoped he was, then again I thought I was too.

HOW ABOUT PICKING A MORE EFFECTIVE SUICIDE PLAN YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

I had a 10 percent chance of living, it seemed almost a cruel joke from God. He knew I'd been suffering and decided he wasn't quite done yet. As long as Josh doesn't know I'm here, I'll be fine.

TOO LATE TYTY!!!

I wake up gasping for air, throwing off the mask before bending over and heaving spit and acid into the garbage can. He's wrong, he's just trying to scare me.

NOW YOU GET TO WATCH HIM BE REPULSED BY YOU, YOULL LOSE HIM RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES.

I just keep dry heaving, not having any success at relief the second time around.

One of the nurses comes in and Paige's the doctor. Surprisingly it only takes a couple of minutes for him to arrive. He looks shocked beyond anything else. He composes himself into a false sense of confidence and sits down in the empty chair by the hospital bed. I try to ignore the screaming in my head and the ache of all my bones. 

"You must be starving. Well get something to you as soon as we go through some questions." The room drops ten degrees. Does he know? Will he make me stay here until they eventually find out who I am? "What day is it currently?" The day I jumped. "May 6th" he looks at me a little bewildered. I may have been out a day or two. "That was the day of the accident" I nod, nothing about that jump was accidental. "How long do you think you were asleep for?" I'm starting to get a bad feeling. "Mr Joseph, you were in a coma for four months." He continues to talk about my recovery but I can't hear anything. Four months? I should be dead! Why am I not fucking dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually am a mess at trying to organize how old they are at this point or what date it is so I just wrote a random fricken day. If you know what season it's actually supposed to be set in or year please correct me. I might be wrong but they were in maybe eleventh grade? I don't know.


End file.
